From My Will to His Will


Since I was a young girl in my teens, I remember clearly never wanting to get married. Marriage seemed like I would always need someone else's permission to do something and I didn't want anything to do with that! I even remember thinking that if I ever had any children that I would only have one, and even then it would probably be a baby that I would adopt. Ha! Since I'm married today, with four kids, you already know that that was obviously NOT God's plan for my life!

After I got pregnant with my fourth child, about eight years ago, is when I really began to get serious about submitting to God's will. I wanted to begin to live out the life which He created me to live. Even then, however, it was very challenging for me. You see, my desire to do His will was genuine. Yet, I wasn't reading my bible at that time. I had already started attending conferences here and there and it all sounded good but I was at a stage in my Christian walk where I was still filled with pride. Only I didn't view it as pride because I felt that what I was learning was meant to be learned so that I could point out to everyone else what they were doing wrong.  I didn't realize that what I was learning, I was meant to apply to myself. 

Shortly after my son was born, is when I would find myself attending my first bible study. You all already know a little about that from a previous blog post. Those bible studies eventually led me to begin to read my bible, which led my family to make our current church our home church. I began to allow God to transform me. I began to mold into who He wanted me to become. The desires of my heart began to change and I began to view my life so differently. I used to compare my life to the life of others, desiring to be living their life, or desiring to be in a different stage of life. I wanted to be a working mom like so many other moms. I even had a teaching degree that I was ready to use. I graduated in 2011, when my little Emmanuel was a little over a year old. By that time, I was asking God for guidance on what to do next. He allowed me to graduate, and though I was offered a job right after graduation, I never got the peace to accept that job. Since then, I have been contacted by people in that field to offer me part-time and full-time positions. Every time, I would pray about it and God never gave me the go-ahead. 

I will admit that I was upset. There were times when I would feel embarrassed or ashamed when people would ask me when I was planning on teaching, since they knew that I had a degree. All I could say was, "When God tells me." I had accepted a part-time, temporary job in May of 2015. I did receive peace to accept that job. I now know it was because it was a temporary job. When that temporary job was about to turn into a permanent job offer, God told me it was time to leave. So I did, without hesitation. Last year, I attended a Freedom Conference at my church which deepened my relationship with the Lord to a greater level! I began to feel His presence everywhere! I still feel His presence in that way and it is an amazing feeling!  That was in September of last year. I decided to get baptized again earlier this year, with my husband and daughter.  I was on this incredible journey, desiring solely to live out God's will for my life. I wanted to let God know that I would live out His will for my life--not my will--no matter how hard or how impossible it seemed.

That is what I have been doing since then. I'm not saying that I am doing it perfectly either. I have to repent when I hesitate or when I get tired and I try to ignore God. I have to go back to spending more time in His Word and in His presence. I have to continue to push myself to seek Him and to not allow the distractions to get in the way. There is definitely that battle between the Spirit and my flesh. I'm so thankful for a God who loves me so much and who created me with purpose and that He would allow me in any way to contribute to His mighty works on this side of Heaven. I'm so thankful for His amazing grace and mercy. I'm thankful for His Wisdom and for His guidance. I'm so thankful that He is quick to forgive and that He is always ready to rescue me from my own sin.

I write all of this to let you know that I am about to step into a new season which He has called me to. Today, August 21, 2017, I will finally begin my teaching career. The Lord has called me to homeschool not one, not two, not three but all four of my beautiful kids this year! I will be a teacher to a 2nd grader, a 3rd grader, an 8th grader and a 10th grader! I am beyond excited about this new journey for my family! I will admit that when God first placed this thought into my heart, I tried to ignore it. Then, I tried to reason with Him, telling Him that it would make sense to homeschool the little ones but that my big girls were already too old for me to homeschool. Still, His loving patience continued to steer me in the direction that He wanted me to go. I finally decided to ask for prayer and it was confirmed in a grand way! After that, there was no doubt that this is what He wanted me to do. And that is what gave me so much peace and so much joy to do this. Wow. I get to be my own kids' teacher! I get to continue to raise them up in the way that they should go! 

I am in complete awe and amazement at what God is continuing to do in my family. I just can't help but laugh when I think of how I had envisioned my adult life, back at the age of 16! I laugh because I am so far off from where I thought I wanted to be. I am completely okay with not going to work for a paycheck. I know that being obedient to God will pay me more than I can ever imagine! I know that the dividends will continue to pay for generations to come by this change in my family. I know that the rewards that I'm living for are eternal and not of this life. I am so humbled and so honored to be called to this amazing opportunity! I know that the work that our good LORD has done in me over the past few years has prepared me for a time such as this!  

Lord, I just want to thank you for your goodness. I want to thank you for your lovingkindness. I want to thank you for guiding me and for leading me into this next season of life. I am beyond humbled and honored to be your servant. Lord, I am your willing vessel. I understand that I am here to fulfill the Will of my Father. I thank you that you are a good Father. I thank you that you are for me and not against me. I thank you that you are my protector! I thank you that your plans are to prosper me and to give me hope and a future. Father, continue to keep my heart guarded. Help me to remain obedient to your will. Help me to remain sensitive to the Spirit. Help me to continue to seek you with fervor and with passion. I love you, Lord. In Jesus's name I give you thanks and praise! Amen.

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